Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Ephesians 5:15-16 NIV
“Margin is the gap between rest and exhaustion, the space between breathing freely and suffocating.” That definition from Dr. Richard Swenson, author of Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, explains so much about the demise of scores of relationships in our hurried, busy, margin-less culture. Exhaustion, overwork, isolation, conflicting and overscheduled calendars – these are the places relationships go to die. A lack of margin will defeat and deplete us. We will have no time or energy for the effort relationships with God and people require.
Relational margin is the intentional space we create between our limit and our load, the place that provides breathing room for love, patience, and restoration. Without margin, we have only the frazzled leftovers of our exhausted selves to give our relationships. The best gift we can give is the gift of being fully present. But overload makes us unable to show up fully. We can’t offer the best of ourselves or receive the best from them. We are too stressed and exhausted to give undivided attention. Irritation, disappointment, a sense of rejection, and impatience multiply.
Relationships require focus and priority. Because we are human, they require unrushed spaces where true connection and challenging conversations can occur. Margin gives us the space and ability to truly see and hear the other person, to give and receive forgiveness. It enables us to work through small frictions and misunderstandings before they become impassable obstacles. Reconciliation occurs in the margins.
Treasured memories are made in the margins. I can’t tell you how many times while planning memorial services with truly wonderful families I have heard regret expressed with profound pain. Someone shares how they “always planned to do ______________ with her. But we never found the time. We never got around to it.” Making sure you have time for the important people in your life is vital. The non-negotiable relationships in your life are the ones where you cannot be replaced. They need and deserve non-negotiable time with you, time that will never be found without margin. It must be scheduled and prioritized.
We are called to be careful and wise in the way we choose to live, making the most of every opportunity. Wise people make choices to spend their priority time here with the people with whom they want to spend eternity. Margin is where eternal bonds are forged and values are passed.
- Love is a four- letter word spelled T-I-M-E. God, help me get it right.